I think that many people struggle with reconciling beliefs and reality. We all have a sense of what makes a "good parent," a "good spouse," a "good sibling," a "good person," etc. Sometimes we replace "good" with other lofty ideals like "successful" or "happy." Realistically, we try to live up to beliefs that we sometimes can't achieve. Sometimes we won't ever be able to achieve them because of who we are and our own personal weaknesses. Sometimes we just aren't at a point when success is possible. We may be too immature. Regardless, I think it is exhausting to keep constant tabs on an unattainable belief. I read many blogs that inspire me to live simply and holistically. I do my best and try and make the best choices for my family. The reality is, these bloggers may be presenting a specific persona. Maybe they have more means than I do: time, patience, money... who knows. When I began this blog I wanted to be real about how difficult it is to always make healthy, earth-friendly choices, and unlike the blogs I read, I am a person who is sometimes annoyed by her child. Unlike other bloggers, I occasionally pick up a $5 Hot and Ready Pizza from Little Ceasars. Sometimes I dread eating the veggies that are overflowing in my garden because I've been eating them for several days in a row. I like to think that I'm honest about these things. However, I have found myself on the defensive in several situations as of late, "Wow, you're eating that?" "You mean this isn't organic? *gasp*" "You of all people don't like broccoli?" "Are you feeding Dylan chips?"
I am very passionate about food. I think and read about food-related politics second only to the amount of time I spend thinking and reading about education. But here are some other things you should know about me... In an attempt to free myself from trying to live up to an unattainable belief about who I am, how I should be, or how I should raise my family, I have offered you a glimpse of some of my contradictions:
1. I love Cool Ranch Doritos. Yup, they are full of all things I hate: artificial colors and flavors, preservatives, MSG, and fat... but they are so, so good.
2. I sometimes buy grocery store chicken. Sometimes I can't get to the farmers market and sometimes I don't have the money to buy the $5/lb selection. Grocery store chicken is full of sodium, but sometimes I buy it and eat and I don't always feel guilty about it.
3. There are always American cheese slices in my fridge. Sure I prefer fancy cheese and American cheese isn't really a cheese, but more of a "cheese-product," but I think we can all admit that it makes the best grilled cheese. Sometimes you just need a good melting cheese!
4. I'm happy that our chickens are finally laying and I am totally okay with eating the eggs, but every time I crack one open, I can't help but think about the fact that this passed through the "vent" of a chicken. Mmmmmm.....
5. I love ranch dressing. Again, a product full of nastiness, including high fructose corn syrup, but if I had my way, I would dip nearly everything in it!
6. At the request of my husband, I once prepared a dish that was as follows:
- A layer of shredded chicken
- A layer of goo that included: sour cream AND cream of chicken soup mixed together
- A layer of shredded cheese
- A layer of crushed cheddar Doritos
And I ate it. And it was not horrible.
7. Sometimes my toddler drives me crazy. Everyone posts on facebook when they are in love with their little one, but people rarely post "The kid is driving me crazy. Someone please come and rescue me."
8. I sometimes feel paralyzed at the grocery store b/c I've read so many things about so many different products that I feel like I can't buy anything. I used to love to grocery shop, but now it causes me anxiety when I am buying something for a recipe that I know was not grown/raised/harvested in safe, clean, or acceptable conditions.
9. I eat fast food. Not often, but I have a weakness for crispy chicken sandwiches.
10. I love TV. Certainly it isn't "classy" to spend hours drooling in front of the TV, but if there was adequate programming, or I had enough things DVR'd, I could sit in front of the TV ALL. DAY. I do love to be outside and hate to waste daylight so I generally reserve my TV watching for the evenings (I love DVR), but as a result, I have many tired mornings because I just don't want to turn it off.
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